To Be A Noob

Hi, my  name is K’yde. How are you? It’s been awhile since I wrote anything. To keep it short, 2014 hasn’t been a pretty year for Yugioh in Malaysia. Apart from all the new updates on the game mechanics, plenty of major tournaments were scratched off from our tournament schedule. Namely World Championship Qualifiers and Top Store. So it was sorta a semi-competitive year for me (went back to music and such.) Anyway, I am back playing Dueling Network with a new account and as usual that place is infested with people who are a waste of time. We all know that feeling when it happens so let’s start of 2015 with some laughs. Here is Digital Mortal’s guide on being a noob on Dueling Network.  

PLAY CANCER DECKS

Or “creative/innovative/different” decks. Probably the most important rule of being a noob, or troll. It’s kinda like a trademark I should say and the more cancerous it is the better. Underlining self-justification for this action, simple, if you win it’s all about skills and has nothing to do with luck. When you lose, it’s because your opponent was piloting a Meta deck and probably opened broken. Nothing funny unfortunately.

ARGUE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT

Always argue no matter what the case (whether you are right or wrong.) The more trivial the argument the better. For example, Compulsory Evacuation Device or Phoenix Wing Wind Blast does not affect Extra Deck Monsters since they cannot be returned to hand. Yes, you get the picture. Be as creative as you can in this department. Moving on;

SWEAR AND BELITTLE YOUR VICTIMS

This point comes hand-in-hand with arguing. Make sure you call your opponent names and use derogatory terms as much as you can. Adopting a cancerous attitude is probably the best way to practice this point. You know, live it to be it, change how you think change your life, or whatever floats your boat.

QUIT WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH

One of the best way to annoy people who are looking to play-test or want to play actual Yugioh. Whenever you find yourself in a tough spot, fight-or-flight mode, always and I mean ALWAYS opt for flight. Whenever your opponent goes into divine performance, run.

CHEAT, CHEAT, CHEAT, AND CHEAT

You know, summon Phantom Skyblaster and go into Number 16: Shock Master (competitive Yugioh sucks I can’t believe no one thought about this!) or activate some draw spell but disregard the cost or how it works (be sure to draw additional.) You get the picture. There are plenty more of  Game Shark cheats. Readers please contribute/brainstorm by commenting below. Thank you!

PRETEND YOU ARE RETARDED

Join games that specifically says NO NOOBS, PLAY-TESTING (INSERT DECK NAME), and so on. This is the best way to put all the above points into practical use.

What’s the upside of being a noob on Dueling Network? It’s like having one-sided sex. You have all the fun and leave your “opposition” with a bad aftertaste. Please make sure to troll to the max, waste as much time as you can, and be as retarded as your brain premits. There goes today’s post peeps. Make sure you try it out and share your experience here. Not being able to play Advance using OCG List is definitely a drag. Thank you for reading and happy noobing!